Interfaith Relationships

I wrote this article because of my experience with inter-faith relationships. I've always had alternative views. Unlike most pagans I was not Christian first so every relationship that I have had has been an inter-faith one. With the exception of one relationship where my then fiance was Pagan when we first got together, several years in he abruptly became Christian. He also took a very strict line and was suddenly incredibly intolerant. It, among other things, was a major factor in the ending of our relationship. Hopefully this article will help others know what is worth fighting for and what is a waste of time.
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Interfaith relationships can make things difficult even for the most well-suited couples. Sadly, for some couples differences in faith can sound the death knell of their relationship. Others manage to make it work mainly by applying large doses of tolerance in conjunction with increasing their ability to compromise.

The faiths involved also help determine the difficulty the couple will have in working out their differences. This is because some religions are more tolerant than others and because there are many different religious sects that while technically separate share a lot of commonalities. On the other hand, some religions are like oil and water naturally repelling each other.

Wicca, generally the most well known neo-pagan religion, and Christianity are examples of religions that naturally repel one another. This makes an interfaith relationship between members a difficult compromise indeed. Of course its not impossible for a Christian and a Pagan to overcome their differences in the name of love. However, this is rare because there are many points of opposition between Christianity and Paganism.

Christians are frequently, though certainly not always, wary of and sometimes outright angered by those that do not share their faith. This problem is exacerbated sometimes by Pagans that make the mistake of being secretive and possessive of their faith. They are often too quick to assume that their partner won't approve or understand their faith and may unfairly shut their partner out.

So how can you tell if you and your honey have what it takes to make it? You will never know for sure but taking the time to ask yourself the following questions will let you know if you have a shot.

1) How willing are you to try?I list this question first because it is in many ways the most important one. There are couple who have overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles simply because of their overwhelming desire to be together. If you and your partner want nothing else greater than just being together then that may be enough. If your relationship is already rocky you need to ask yourself if it is worth the effort you will need to expend to get past differences in faith.

2) Do you have an open, honest and sharing relationship with your partner?If you do that is a good sign. Finding common ground with someone who has different religious beliefs will require honesty and it will require both of you to share your beliefs. If your relationship is a closed one and the two of you do not share very much then navigating the issue of religion will be difficult.

3) Do you plan on having children?Please note that this is not a question to ask too early in a relationship. It may be better to surreptitiously go about this one if its still early. Perhaps talking about a friend that is raising his/her children the way you would want to raise yours will give you an opportunity to see your partners attitude towards that kind of upbringing. What to teach the children is often a major issue to those in an interfaith relationship.

This is one bridge that you should not wait to cross when you come to it. While you don't want to ask too early and send your mate running for the hills, you also can not let this one go until after a child is born. It is a potential deal breaker if a compromise can not be reached. So addressing this issue is a good idea. If the two of you can compromise about what to teach the children or if you do not plan on having any at all then you have a better chance at remaining together.

4) How tolerant is your partner...and how tolerant are you?This is where openness, honesty and sharing pays off. Sharing your faith in all its aspects such as rituals,services,spells with your partner will let you quickly figure out how well (or how badly) your partner will tolerate your religious practices. People are surprising you may find that your partner is interested rather than wary. Or you may discover that your partner is very intolerant toward or upset by your religious activities.

Keep in mind that it is not good to change yourself to please another (at least not drastically, mutual compromise is still a good thing). Doing so may cause you to feel unhappy and resentful. To make it work you have to know what you need and want and then decide if your partner is capable of providing it. No one is perfect but there are base things that everyone needs.

Odds are good that by the time you follow the advice in this article and discover the answer to the listed questions you'll have a good idea of the likelihood of your relationship surviving. Many relationships end due to differences in faith. However, these obstacles are not insurmountable if you keep the lines of communication open and you and your partner treat each other with love, tolerance and respect.

By,
A. Kairi